Saturday, January 16, 2010
It is exactly as I thought it would be, only different
I put my goals on hold for the past few years while I tend to business. Before I can semi-retire to the nest of my choosing, I am spending some time where I am needed. This detour in my journey has affected me in many ways. My job was not what I wanted. The car that I had paid off years earlier was hit and totaled. I had left behind both family and friends that I miss. Admittedly, it has been slightly depressing. But time has a way of sorting things out, once there is enough data to sort.
I’ve met new folks, and go out of my way to speak to people I don’t know. My eagerness to discover has led me to new places looking for adventure. Exercise takes me places where I’ve never been. And even the unpleasant things that happen to all of us can make us better.
I make healthy decisions for myself, whether it is regarding food or actions. No one’s opinion is worth my worry. I disregard the petty, frivolous details and focus on what is important to me, my future, and my family.
I am stronger faith-, moral-, and character-wise than I was two and a half years ago, which is part of what I was looking for in the first place. I left VT hoping to find the teenager who was brave and outgoing, and then to continue where she left off. I was surprised to find out that she has grown and matured, but still has that spark of life-on-the-edge inside. And that she’s been here with me all along. I just didn’t recognize her. So I may not be living in my little nest yet but the person who I am today is the person who will be living there, once I leave here to find it. I’ve been dealing with life’s quirks and details here exactly as I would if I were on ten mountain acres with chickens and a goat, or living thirty feet from the New England shore, walking barefoot in the sand after having worked the morning shift at a diner. Life doesn't improve due to a change of scenery, but because of a change in attitude. My life now is exactly as I would have imagined it, if I had imagined my real self in it.